You know what one of the strangest and oddly most stressful parts of my job teaching English in China is?
Having to give English names to new students.
(We always do this for new students – it makes it easier for us to remember and use names, and it encourages an “English Only” atmosphere once inside the classroom).
I mean, there I am, tasked with deciding what I, and many others, will call this person for potentially years to come. Sure, it’s not a legal name, like their parents gave to them, so they can change it anytime they want, and they won’t use it in all facets of their lives, but sheesh! And for all you parents out there, while you might have debated over names for just one or two children at a time, I’ve usually got to come up with twenty or so.
Oh, and did I mention they should be easily pronounceable and spellable?
Why not just let the students decide for themselves? you wonder. Firstly, many of them are too young and don’t have much exposure to English to know any names. And secondly, well…that’s what the rest of this post is about – what happens when Chinese people are left to their own devices to come up with one.
So here’s my list of tips for choosing an English name (all the examples are real, and come from just a handful of classes that I teach at one state-run school here in our city where their regular teachers have allowed them to choose their own names):
Tip 1: Spelling and pronunciation are important.
Remember, if you yourself can’t spell your name correctly, you can’t expect that others will either. We native English speakers look for certain sounding rules for letters when we see a word, so if you misspell your name, we’ll probably say it wrong.
Poor Maggie might find someone calling her “Magic” soon…
I guess she expects me to shout at her every time I say her name?
And the odd time, misspelling your name will result in it becoming another word that is not a name, and is in fact quite unflattering.
Her name is actually Alice, and she’s a lovely girl, so this is quite unfortunate.
Being able to say your name is key as well. I’ll close this tip with a cautionary tale I’ve told many others before, about a young boy I used to teach whose English name was Simon. But since he couldn’t properly pronounce the vowel sounds in his name, soon his teachers and friends couldn’t either. And eventually, the spelling of his name was even changed. And trust me, it’s quite a shock for me as a foreigner to look down at my exam paper and see that I will be testing someone named Semen.
Tip 2: Numbers are not names.
Shaking my head.
I know George Costanza and Victoria Beckham might disagree with me, but numbers (even Seven) are not really names, so please avoid them.
Tip 3: Naming yourself after food is just silly.
I’ve run across a lot of this here, and I’m not sure how it started, but I’m going to blame Gwyneth Paltrow. These names are most often constrained to fruit, although not entirely – I’ve taught several Gingers over the years.
There is also a Strawberry in this class.
Seriously, I wonder what people would say if I started telling them my Chinese name was 奶酪 (cheese)?
Tip 4: Just because it is a translation of your Chinese name, or part of it, doesn’t make it a good English name.
The last character is the one for “fish”.
If my husband were to translate his Chinese name, I’d be calling him something like Forest of Poplars. See? It doesn’t really work.
Tip 5: Animals are cool, just not for your name.
As with the above Fish, this trend is more common in boys. The number of Monkeys, Dragons, and Lions I’ve taught would make your head spin. With girls, I’d say Butterfly has been the most ubiquitous animal name chosen.
Tip 6: Adjectives rarely make good names.
I also once taught a boy named Windy – I don’t know what positive qualities he was trying to express with that one.
Sure, I get that you want to let people know the good qualities you see in yourself. But literally calling yourself these things as a name is a bit too obvious. Better to find a way to show them, rather than just tell them.
Tip 7: Naming yourself after someone famous means you have big shoes to fill.
First of all, he chose Jobs, instead of Steve. And secondly, yes, I found it funny that these two students were listed one after the other.
Some famous names are less conspicuous than others. For instance, I know a guy here whose English name is Carter (after Vince Carter, the basketball player). It’s not as immediately apparent as some others I have run across.
But Obama is going to have to take some lessons from his namesake and work on his confidence. As soon as he finished answering the last question I asked during his oral exam, he simply doubled over and vomited all over the floor.
Tip 8: Random nouns are hit and miss as to whether they make acceptable names.
Ah…no.
Again…no. (The worst thing about this student is that he used to be called Ryan, but someone let him change his name to this!)
I also used to teach a class with boys named Lamp, Stick, Try, and the infamous boy who called himself Refrigerator. Sigh.
Lilac? Maybe. Grass? No. (Oh, and it’s a girl.)
Most certainly…NO! (And I did clarify this was his name, asking, “As in classroom?” He said yes and looked at me like I was the crazy one.
Tip 9: You might want to run a name past a foreigner before you settle on it, because some of our names have less than positive connotations, despite being actual names.
I’m looking at you, all you Candys, LuLus, CoCos, and the one GoGo I know (who is actually a boy, unfortunately).
Tip 10: Anything like the following are just…What the…? No.
Better than Lucifer, I guess, but still…
Perhaps he has Irish/Celtic roots?
Facepalm.
FYI, his friends call him Bear for short.
My final tip? When in doubt, go with a simple, boring, run-of-the-mill English name from one of your textbooks. I guarantee you no one will stifle laughter or look at you like you’ve lost your mind if you introduce yourself as Sally or Tommy.
But hey…I can’t tell you what to do, right?!
And that’s why I chose my boyfriend’s English name. We settled on Tim since it’s easy to pronounce and easy enough to write. Although when I do ask him for his name he keeps telling me he is called “fish” which I have told him a million times it’s not a name. I should never never taught him the English meaning of his Chinese nickname. *sigh* I do have a question. Do you, after a while, become immune to wanting to laugh about the name choice or as a matter of fact showing any kind of emotion at all?
Personally, it depends on the name. For a lot of these, I have gotten used to them and now only roll my eyes in my mind. But for some of the worst (like Semen), I make a point of telling their teacher that everyone is saying it wrong and trying to fix it. Whether they listen is another issue…
Balamila Bear is awesome. By the way, the girl named Grass, her Chinese name has Grass in it. (Second character. Her total name means prairie.) And the one called Happy also has a Chinese named that means the same soundwise(Kai Xin), although the second character is different. (So it’s not happy but something like “Start Anew”.
Ah, thanks. I didn’t run all of these past my official Chinese translator/husband, so I didn’t know about those. Still…not the best English names though, right?
And come on, I think he would be offended that you didn’t get his name quite right – it’s “Balamila.Bear”, complete with a silent period!
Oh, yeah, the silent period is important. Looks more like a trojan horse or virus name. “We’ve been infected with the worm Balamila.Bear!”
It does, doesn’t it?!
Your post really made me laugh. I remember when I taught English I had one student named Kinki. She was so bright, I tried really hard to get her to change her name, explaining that if she wanted to work for a multinational company the name really would be an issue. I had another colleague named Larva – it was a boy and my client asked me if I could tell him it made him uncomfortable. And my final triumph, I convinced one of our interns a couple of years ago (also a boy), that Lonely was not the best name. He now only goes by his Chinese name, Long lei.
I try to take solace in the fact that most of these are primary school kids and the chances of these names sticking with them all the way to adulthood and them actually using them as grown-ups is pretty slim.
You are lucky – I was teaching adults! I still wonder sometimes if Kinki ever found her dream job.
I’ll be sure to let you know if she ever comes applying for a teaching job at my school!
That really made me laugh
Now I would need the same one for “how to choose your Chinese name, cuz they keep calling my girfriend (Lucile) “LuLu” and they don’t seem to know it’s not that great
I’ve asked my husband for a Chinese name, but he doesn’t take it seriously enough. The ones he has suggested are BingBing, as in “ice ice” (because I’m always cold) and HuoGuo, as in “hot pot” (because I’m always cold and so giving me a name that is warm should help). I haven’t adopted either.
I would add that if you’re going to pick a crazy, unusual name, make sure it actually fits your personality. I had one student who went by the name Winner, but she was so quiet and nervous all the time that I think picking “Winner” was a bit of an overshot. Meanwhile, I had a student who named himself Rambo and he was this huge body builder and he truly was the most Rambo-ist of Chinese guys I’d ever met. And there was another student who went by the name Potato, who truly did resemble a potato.
Oh dear! We call one of our teachers Potato to tease him, but his actual English name is Tony. Perhaps Winner was giving herself something to strive for…an attempt at inspiring herself to be one?
These are awesome! I thought a kid named ‘Wi-fi’ and another one named ‘Elf’.
Please tell me Elf’s ears were just a bit pointy??
I used to teach a boy named Spotty, and have met a guy named Peter Pan.
Ha, this must be challenging! Maybe people should use colors… that would broaden the spectrum a bit. I am sure you have heard a million off-the-wall names!
It’s funny that the crazy names tend to congregate in the same class. I’ve been given name lists for exams and looked at them and one class has a ton of weird names, while the other (in the same grade, and with the same regular English teacher) has completely normal ones.
i had a student named Groupfly. A translation, I presume.
I also had a student who said, “My name is Hibernant. That means I like to sleep in the winter.” Yeah, he missed the first hour of every morning class because of that.
Oh my goodness! Those are just…well…
This is one of the most hilarious blog post I’ve ever come across. But after all, your students are just primary school kids. If they were given a chance to choose their own Chinese name, they’d probably come up with something equally odd.
I thought Balamila is a type of bear and I wanted to learn more about it. Instead of a wikipedia page or a biology research paper, Google simply gives me the name & score list of the oral exam you’ve conducted. It’s indeed a really unique name.
I guess he never has to worry about being confused with another student. But on the other hand, he’ll never be able to find a personalized keychain or pencil with his name on it!
Better question, why the need for them to adopt an “English” name? their own given names work just fine… Giving them a new “English” name just means they don’t matter enough to YOU that you DON’T take your precious time and effort to remember. Is that the kind of social colonialism you want to insinuate? I mean, is it not already bad enough you don’t wanna learn Mandarin while living in China?
I am proud of the name my parents give me, and if someone suggests I adopt a more “Western” name to get along better in life, I would tell them to take a long walk off a short pier
Secondly, most names in Western European/ North American cultures are either derived from Hebrew, Latin, Greek, Old French and Old German. So calling “Sarah” an English name is like saying “deja vu ” an English word.
Thanks for your comment.
The reasoning behind giving them English names is as follows:
a) It is school policy at our school, and almost every other English school I’ve come across here. The idea is that it helps promote an “English Only” atmosphere in the classroom. The idea is also not limited to China, nor to only English schools. I know many people who chose or were given alternate French or Spanish names to use during those lessons in school in Canada and America.
b) Though you’re not going to like to hear it, the fact of the matter is that it IS easier for me to learn, remember, and use English names than Chinese ones. I like to use students’ names as often as possible, whether as examples in sentences or when calling on them to answer – and I would much prefer to be able to remember them and use them quickly and easily instead of having to look them up on a class list. There are many days when I might teach nearly 150 different students that day (and yes, I can remember each one of my students’ English names). I would also add that I think that assigning and using English names to be far less offensive than simply calling kids by their student number, which is very common in state-run schools here. I know I would much rather be called by a name rather than just a number. At least that shows me the teacher treats me as an actual person.
Many of the students actually look forward to getting an English name, as well. It is a sort of novelty to them (which explains some of the strange names in the post).
I do not expect them to use their English name outside of class, and I most certainly don’t expect that their parents begin calling them by it. I also do not assign English names to my friends or my husband’s colleagues either (I suspect that many of them had English names when they were studying it in school, but have long since dropped them, due to not using them, and that’s fine).
And in fact, to support your point, I do think these students should be proud of their actual name. I think that once they grow up and are no longer taking these English lessons, the choice should be up to them as to whether they want to have and use and English name, or to simply use their given Chinese name.
In my Chinese class (even the one in my home country) we had to adopt Chinese names, for the same reasons. Especially those with sounds in their names our teachers were not able to pronounce were given new names pretty quick.
And in China I came across lots of children that had both a Chinese and an ‘international’ name they both used, many of them given by their parents or teachers.
I agree – I have seen it go both ways. I’m not trying to replace their given name, just give them this new one to use in class. And if they choose to keep it and use it later in life, great…if not, that’s fine too.
I teach in Shanghai. Most of the names are pretty normal, except for Iceman and Knife.
Oooh, Iceman – like from “Top Gun”!
I remember hearing a coworker tell me that they taught a class where Abe and Lincoln sat next to each other…
This is hilarious. A friend of mine taught school kids in China, and he said that they wanted to change their names every week. In addition to the examples you have, they also liked to choose things like Adidas, Tetris, and obscure cartoon character names.
I often have students ask to change their names as well. Usually I ask them what they want to change it to, and then I’ll be blunt with them about whether it is a name or not. If not, I veto it. The students in this post are at a state-run school I only visit once a week, and they choose their own, so I don’t get much input.
In my experience Chineses are quite proud of their English name and want you to use it. It seems prestigious to have one. I guess it stresses their foreign language skills
This is certainly my experience with a lot of these students as well. I think they like having a bit of an alter ego to use during their English class.
My wife has heard me address young ladies we passed in the halls of a Chinese university with “Hello Honey” and “Hello Darling.” And you probably guessed it, those were their English names.
Oh my!
Over the years, I had several Honeys but only one Darling.
Hahaha!
I had a girl named Darling once. Looking for her at the start of the school play. I was walking around the area calling out Darling, Darling. I felt just a little stupid!
Imagine if she was one of those kids you didn’t really like and you still had to call her that!
This is hilarious. Since I’m not a teacher, I don’t get to hear a lot of these funny English names. But I can remember that one person once introduced herself as cockroach.
Cockroach?! How in the…? What could have possibly made them think that was a good choice?!
Totally agree that having an English name is totally normal in an English class environment, and isn’t cultural imperialism at all
Heck, I had a French name in my high school French class. It’s a great way for students to become familiar with the usual pronunciation, spelling, and gender of common names. One of the biggest vocabulary gaps I see in my English students is name vocabulary (people’s names, including famous actors and singers, book and movie names, even place names). So I have a no tolerance policy on wacky names, I simply won’t call the students those names, but I do explain gently to them why I am insisting on using “real” English names in class. I couldn’t care less whether they use their English names outside of the classroom though, or want to change to another name whenever they like as long as it is an actual name. Some of the more memorable “English” names I’ve come across in the last 8 years of teaching English in China are girls named: Silly, Ice, Yoyo, Even, Baby, and Easy (the last one was a hotel employee) and boys named Sue, Sharon, Blue, Rock, and Hitler. When I told Hitler his name was unacceptable he challenged me. Why??? Um… because it’s a last name, not a first name. He then insisted on being called Adolf the rest of the term. Sigh.
I’ve come across a couple of Yoyos too, and one of our teachers’ names is Ice (it’s a direct translation of her Chinese name – it’s weird but I’m used to it now).
But come on…A Boy Named Sue? Nobody puts Baby in a corner? They’re just making it too easy!!
Just FYI, “Fish” also happens to be the English name of a famous Mando-pop singer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fish_Leong
Thanks for that. Also…still not an acceptable English name.
Yeah, but it really depends on what you’re aiming to achieve. The impression I get is that many Chinese people choose English names not to comform to English cultural conventions but simply to have an Anglicised version of their identity while expressing a level of individuality. This is why you get weird names such as “Eason”, “Jacky” (for a man), “Jolin” and “Angelababy”, in addition to “Fish”, amongst Chinese celebrities. At the end of the day, if Paltrow can name her daughter “Apple” and Nicole Kidman can name her daughter “Sunday Rose”, then there’s no reason why one can’t call himself “Fish”. In fact, I think it’d be an object lesson on the English culture’s capacity for tolerance for differences and diversity.
But in the case of your students, they’re more likely just doing it out fun and/or ignorance.
Come on, we can all agree that Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughters “name” is pretty goofy, right?!
You’re right – they see and hear famous people with these kind of names and think they are proper. I just sort of feel like it should be at least a little part of my job to inform them that they aren’t real names.
Thank you. Thankyouthankyouthankyou. Spot on. I wish this were on a blog platform that was reachable behind the GFW so I could send this to my old workplaces and say “SEE?! I’M NOT THE ONLY FOREIGNER WHO THINKS THIS WAY.” I’ve heard of worse though. There was a small legend amongst some people I met in Seoul that there used to be a guy who would name his students things like “The Human Torch”. But admittedly, I can’t throw TOO many stones when it comes to naming. I’ve been allowing myself to go by “金小白” for over two years now, to the point where it’s on my work permits.
This is a problem everywhere, as you can see by the other comments. I’ve also had coworkers who have abused the naming privileges – they would theme the names for the entire class. There was a class full of characters from the Simpson’s…one of 90s/00s girl pop stars (Beyonce, Shakira, etc)…yeah.
totally agree with you!! i went as far as printing a list of common popular names in English for girls and boys (2 separate lists) and I gave them to all staff that had the potential for naming students. Note: this helped with new students immensely!
I was just SO embarrassed and ashamed of having students with names such as: Green, Blue, Dick, Yoyo, Glue, Fenix (not Phoenix), Ocean, Doria (pronounced “dor-ay-uh”), J.O., Tinny (pronounced Teeny), Stiven (pronounced steven), Nemo (after the captain, not the fish), Ida (pronounced “ay-duh”, parents & child & co-teacher refused to change the spelling or pronunciation!)
After having to name students for about 3 months, I forced some co-workers to sit down with me and help me decide a Chinese name for myself. We ended up with a not very common name, but significant to my life and personality and it also sounds a bit like my first name does in English too. It was a fun process and now I often surprise people when I introduce myself with it and I learned to write it as well, which fascinates them
But Dick is a real English name…
So is Ida
True, just not pronounced as she says it was.
Hi, great blog, funnt as……..I taught in China last year and the names the kids gave themselves were just Awesome: ‘Iam’ and ‘Urinal’ were two girls names that were a little strange, plus there were lots of standard Chinese/English names like ‘Summer’ and ‘Lilly’. Fortunately i changed Urinal to Yerial
Urinal…oh dear. What was she thinking?!
this post is so hilarious.
I’ve been teaching grade 4 last semester in a public school, and most of the students have English names as well. I agree that it makes it so much easier to remember, and so it’s nicer for the students to have their teacher calling them by a name that can be remembered and pronounced correctly. Some of them still don’t want to choose an English name, and I sadly can’t remember their Chinese name.
When I studied Chinese in University last year we also had to pick a Chinese name and the teachers never called us by our French names, and I quite liked that. And I still call my classmates by their Chinese name. Mine is a bit silly I think so I don’t use it much here in China, but if someone asks me, I guess they feel the same way as we do about their funny English names…
(my chinese name is 小星 as like… Little Star)
School just started again for me, so I’m looking forward to see if some new weird names appeared during Spring festival… so far I had boys called Yoyo, Everest Guo, Dragonfly, Nike (I told him that the real spelling of his name was Nick but he still writes Nike on his tests), Panda, lots of Leos,
And for girls, Cherry is pretty common, I have a Fiona (but she always writes it Foina or Fonia), Bamboo (??)…
Names in second languages are never easy, and I do know that. I guess the saddest part of it for me is that all these students attend the top-ranked primary school in our city, and their English is damn good…they (and their teachers) should know better. Hope you get some chuckles out of some new names!
Great post! Hilarious, but also very insightful.
Minh, you are right that students should not HAVE TO use an English/Western name for life. But I think kjsandor’s explanation is very good for why many are using one for English classes, etc. And the fact is, a whole lot of people in China DO want to have an English name for whatever reason. So, if they are going to choose an English name, I think we can help them choose one that won’t get laughed at. Too often their attempts to find a creative/unique/cool-sounding name end in disaster because they don’t understand the cultural implications of the name they choose. At least, I really really really want to give students like “Kinki” the benefit of the doubt!
All these crazy names + frustration of English teachers + desire to help those who really do want a good English name + getting tired of explaining things to Chinese friends one at a time = my husband and I starting a website that will hopefully help students and teachers alike. It’s http://www.namewalla.com, and our goal is that it will provide good resources to teachers like you, and students like yours. It’s a work in progress, but stop by and let me know what you think. (kjsandor, we have a lot of overlap in our tips – mind if I link to this blog post? And maybe someday you’d want to guest post on namewalla.com?)
And for all of you who have encountered names you think are ridiculous, please submit them to our Rogues Gallery, and maybe we can help explain to all those students out there why you should NOT choose Urinal, Easy, Hitler, or Jungle as your name. But Balamila.Bear?….don’t even know where to start with that one.
Thanks, Cassie! You are certainly welcome to link to this blog post if you’d like. Good luck with your site!
Haha this is hilarious! Why not try to name after days of the week? I always like Mr.Friday. Just kidding!
I once taught a student in Canada whose name was Wednesday (yes, just like on the “Addam’s Family” TV show). But I’m going to pass on the days of the week for names here. It’s hard enough for students who get named after seasons (for example, Summer). Those are perfectly good names, but when we study that area, the rest of the class giggles each time we say the word!