Hahahaha! I totally got you, right?!
You clicked here thinking it was going to be me revealing that my husband and I are going to have a baby. That is so NOT the case. There is no baby. There will be no baby for quite a while, if I have anything to say about it, and I happen to think that I do.
Wait, don’t leave!
While we are not expecting, that doesn’t mean that our family hasn’t grown a bit since our weddings…I believe I’ve mentioned my husband’s love of fish before, haven’t I?
Please don’t get the impression that I don’t like fish – they are quiet, clean, and lower maintenance than a cat or dog would be. Besides, I have one of my own!
That’s right. One of the owners of the fish store where my husband usually gets his fish gifted me with a little white betta fish, which is miraculously still alive after a couple of months. I’ve actually grown quite attached to the little guy, because we’re so similar.
How am I similar to a fish, you might ask? We are both really white. We are both foreigners (betta fish are not native to China). It hangs out at the top of its little tank near the light, perhaps trying to change its colour. I like to spend time outside trying to get even the tiniest hint of a suntan. And perhaps the greatest similarity – we both get stared at by Chinese people a lot (my husband sits and watches this little fish when he sits on our sofa).
Anyway, back to my husband. His fish finally made the move to a brand-new, nearly-big-enough-for-me-to-sleep-in tank in our house. One dragon fish and six tiger fish made the journey over a couple of days, and settled into their new surroundings. My husband doted on them, checking filters and aerators, tossing them little treats, and just sitting and watching them swim.
Which made it all the more surprising when I got a call from said husband one Friday morning telling me that he was coming home over his lunch break and that I should make myself presentable because someone was coming to look at his dragon fish because they were interested in buying it. Come he did, and he left with not only the dragon fish, but a couple of tiger fish as well.
My husband was heartbroken and moped around for about a week after the transaction. “Why are you so upset?” I asked. “You could have just not sold it.”
“It was a very good price,” he answered.
But this being my husband we’re talking about, he didn’t stay upset for long. He brought himself out of his funk by making plans to get another dragon fish – a baby one to raise like he did the last one. New fish has now arrived, much to my husband’s delight and the relief of the remaining tiger fish, who were decidedly lost without a dominant, fearless leader in the tank. Everyone is back into their routine, especially my husband, who comes home and changes some of the water each night before feeding them.
Oh, the feeding. What do you feed medium sized fish in order for them to grow big and strong? Why, small feeder fish, of course! Which means that, at any one time, in addition to the large tank, there are also small fish in several other locations in our house. Sometimes they are dumped unceremoniously into the tank, where the fish can eat them as they please. Sometimes they are frozen in one of my freezer compartments, so they can be doled out a few at a time. But one evening, these little fish were in neither of these places, leading me to ask a question I never dreamed I would have to ask:
“Why are there live fish in my toilet?”
Let me explain. I had just returned home from work, and my husband was waiting with dinner. As we ate, we chatted about our day. Being the considerate guy he is, he also decided to warn me that there were fish in the toilet, but that he was going to take care of them after we finished eating. Of course. Why wouldn’t there be?
After some confused questions, we established the problem. When my husband says “toilet,” I assume he means the actual bowl, but what he really means is the room containing the toilet. As it turns out, the fish were merely in a bucket in the bathroom, not “eating the poo” in my toilet, as my husband cheekily told me.
My one condition for having this massive tank in our apartment was that I be required to do absolutely nothing to take care of it – no cleaning, no feeding. All that’s gone out the window this week though, as my husband is away and I have been left with a set of instructions for caring for “our little ones.” Wish me luck – I might need it!