I love my husband. I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t. And as many of you know already, one of the biggest reasons I love him is his ability to make me laugh and cheer me up (and sometimes even make me forget that I’m angry at him). And I’ve needed it recently…
People always talk about how much work marriage is, and it’s true. Marriage is hard work – I mean, you are trying to merge your life with another person’s. That’s never going to be easy. But how many people talk about how much work it is to plan the wedding? Probably lots, but not as many listen, because they are too busy dreaming of their fairy tale day.
Well, I’m here to tell you, planning a wedding is busy and stressful. There are a million things to get done. Planning a wedding in a foreign country where you don’t speak the language or fully understand all the customs and are trying to combine customs from two different cultures is even more stressful. And me being the opinionated perfectionist I am…well, let’s just say there have been a few misunderstandings and arguments between my husband and I in the process of planning this event (and as much as I am looking forward to our wedding day, there is a tiny part of me that just can’t wait for it to be over!).
After one such disagreement last weekend, where I thought it was more important that we start planning the wedding part of our wedding (you know, because my parents and brother are flying across an ocean to come and are sort of expecting some sort of ceremony, not just lunch), and he seemed to be more wrapped up in making sure there were bai jiu, melon seeds, and cigarettes for the guests, the following exchange took place as he played with his new iPod Touch.
Husband: There should be some sort of training game for single men. They get a wife in the game and it gives them problems they must try to solve.
Me: So, you could try different solutions and if it didn’t work out well, you could reset it back to the problem and try again until you found one that worked?
Husband: Exactly! It would help single guys get ready for marriage.
Me: But wouldn’t it potentially discourage some from wanting to get married, if they virtually experienced how much work it can be?
Husband: Hmmm….I don’t think so, but maybe. Oh well.
I follow some wedding blogs and it truly seems to be hard work to plan a wedding. In the future we are possible having two ceremonies, one in Finland and one in China. I think planning one will be enough for me, so the relatives can plan the one in China. That’s gonna be interesting or “interesting”
Training game for single men sounds good! If you’re husband wants to program it just tell him to add one thing: Good solution to a problem is always to apologize with a bunch of flowers!
Yes, it’s been a lot of work and will continue. We are having two weddings here in China – one in our city that we are planning (that’s the bigger, more stressful one) and one 5 days later in his hometown for his family and friends there. We planned some of that during our visit at Spring Festival, and his parents are taking care of a lot of that one as well.
The biggest issues have been over timing/procrastination of planning certain parts. There are things that I think we should be doing, but he and others are not concerned at all and tell me they can wait. But I hate waiting, and would rather just decide it and be done with it. Oh well. My mantra is becoming, “It WILL all get done somehow, sometime.”
As for the marriage app, I don’t think he’ll be programming it, but I can let you know!
And re: flowers, I have a guy friend who insists he will never give a girl he dates flowers, since they just die anyway (he says, “What kind of gesture is it for me to give her something that is dying?). I pointed out that the alternative is something that will last forever and ever…a diamond. Hehehe!
You have to give us more details! I really want to know what it is like. Someday I will have to get one done myself.
Best of luck to you and your husband!
Details on…the app? Hopefully it’s just a joke and he doesn’t actually think he needs to develop one. It would have to wait until after the wedding anyway, because I think I would put my foot down and tell him we’re busy enough these days!
My husband and I had 2 weddings – one in the US and one in China. I was in charge of the US one and he was in charge of the Chinese one. When I got to China I was so surprised to find that there was NO ceremony at all. The wedding was just a lunch. It certainly simplified things. And it made the American wedding look like a very complicated mess in comparison. But 14 years later I can say, it was all good.
As I said, we are having the two weddings here in China (one in our city and one in his hometown) and both will have a ceremony of sorts before the lunch part. It won’t be the same as a western ceremony, but we are incorporating aspects of both western ceremonies and the usual Chinese parts that I see at other weddings I’ve attended here. I’m sure that is part of what is making it seem so complicated (trying to compromise and balance both customs as much as we can, but also making it personal for us).
But yes, I agree – the focus here is much more on the lunch, which is why my husband and the “team” are more concerned with making sure there is bai jiu and cigarettes for everyone than whether there are flowers and when we will exchange rings.
We won’t have an actual wedding in Canada, I don’t think. Partly because at this point, we are unsure as to when or even IF he might be able to get a visa to travel there, and partly because I think after two, we’ll be “wedding-ed out!” I am from a small town, so the plan right now is that when the day comes, we’ll just have some sort of get-together so people can meet him and offer their congratulations in person.
And I know it will all work itself out in the end, but I am a worrier, a planner, an organizer, a perfectionist…so it’s hard for me to accept the waiting and have so much uncertainty. My mind knows it will all be beautiful and that when it comes down to it, it’s just a single day in our lives, but I still want it to be “right!”
kjsandor, you should learn to relax, let go a little. Otherwise you will go through life so tense and unable to enjoy the moment, which is all we have really. There is no such thing as a future. When it comes, it comes as NOW now, and are you going to miss it again by planning to perfection for the future? Oh, just flow with the moment and enjoy. Like you yourself said, everything will fall into place eventually. So enjoy the moment and let the future come. Of course no harm in planning, just don’t miss the moment while you are trying to plan for the future.
Thanks. I am doing my best, and it’s not all worry, all the time. But as I said, I am a planner and a worrier, so at times I can’t help it – someone has to worry!!
I think I should’ve had something like that for my wife. She still needs a prep course in understanding New Jersey attitudes…she always thinks I’m yelling when I’m really not…it’s just the Jersey in me. And she still doesn’t understand why I get angry when driving around with all the bad drivers on the roads.
She needs a Jersey Chinese translation app?!
I have no doubt that somewhere, someone is developing a marriage simulation app. I give it a year before we see it come out!
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